my one true lothe

football.

it's not even the game itself...it's the whole intuition of football. to me watching a game of football is one of life's most arduous tasks. then again, i tend to hate most things in life that are typically accompanied with an ice cold beer (grilling, fishing, bromancing). even if i had any knowledge of the rules it would still just be beefed up men, who all seem like pricks to me, pumping their chests and proving that they are the alpha male. i can't even come up with a female equivalent to watching football because no matter how hard any mans man tries to deny it...they sweat sex and the city. 

football fans are a collection of everyone of those loud, semi-belligerent, born-in-the-usa, guys that you just want to slap because they want to get in everyone's faces about how great bush light is (and your drinking lemonade). not to generalize or anything. my boyfriend loves football and i love him. but when he tries to sit me down and explain plays and stats i slowly back away and him regress to his caveman like state and get hyped amongst other diehard fans. 

the superbowl is the OG bromance so i really can't blame him when he and the other cavemen take all of the good seats on the comfy couch, knock back a 30 rack, and ingest their weight in artery clogging food. it gives me an excuse to make chili and cupcakes so i guess everyone wins, except for the cardinals. but this year was different. i got conned into buying a square in a pool for 2 bucks so much to my dismay i had some investment in the hideous game, even though it was on a purely cerebral level. the concept that this event could be profitable to me in any way was heartbreaking and hypocritical. even if i had won i probably would have gone all judas on everyone's asses and told them to keep their blood money. but i didn't win so instead i'll just fantasize endlessly about the black leather slouchy boots from aldo that i could have bought with my winnings.